by: Nina Meyer
Well hello Ladies,
Gentlemen,
Gentlemen who prefer gentlemen.
Ladies who prefer ladies.
They’s, Them’s, Yous, we’s, us’s
all lovers of fancy things alike...
All are welcome in the warm cozy arms of this old familiar “Style Quiz”.
If you’re over 30 (ahem, I mean, permanently 27) Then you may have spent hours and hours in 1997 circling A, B, C, or D, on the most stereotypical, half-witted, brainless, and ridiculously pointless quizzes which have ever been written. We all did. There is no shame here.
And now perhaps you’re asking yourself, “am I aching to refuel that sparkly tank of question answering?”, “Do I need to know which stereotype disguised as a BAG I am??” “YES. YES. TELL ME WHICH STEREOTYPE DISGUISED AS A BAG I AM”.
Do not be fraught my fellow Clueless lovers. There is a cure to the ail you didn’t even know you had.
Prepare to be satiated.
Just, please, don’t take it too seriously. This quiz is all for a smile and an excuse to gaze lovingly at your phone while you drown out the sounds of the incessant news program the person sitting next to you is watching at full volume.
So sit back, pour some cranberry juice on a lime and pull out your glitter pen to mark down "A" "B" "C" or "D". It’s time to pretend the world hasn’t gone to hell and take "NINA'S STYLE QUIZ - to find out WHICH BAG ARE YOU?"
QUESTION NUMBER ONE:1. Oh BOTHER, Somebody’s got a case of the MONDAYS. How you gonna deal?
A. Hum an annoyingly happy tune and take on life as, “Instagram influencer, blogger to the stars! Of Pitchfork, Iowa”
B. Hex the universe and all of its inhabitants while dumping boiling hot coffee directly into your veins.
C. Get your head crawled on by a toddler while you feed a baby who’s been up since 3am.
D. Chug that protein drAnk. Get 3 hours of gym before work. FEEL THE CHEAT DAY BURN.
2. Your boss calls freaking out about late reports.
What a L O S E R. You:
A. What Boss? I’m my own boss. Join my FaceBook group!
B. Not your problem, Ask Janet, totes busy signing up for the next season of Love Is Blind.
C. Roll your eyes. Your office would be lost without you. You’re so on the ball it’s AMAZING. And all this after bringing the kids to daycare and prepping dinner in the crock.
D. Reply “Already done! WHAT ELSE YOU NEED! Took some late pre-workout and it's kicking in pretty gnarly". Then start doing one armed pushups in his office to establish dominance.
3. It’s 8 pm on a Saturday Night. Where are you?
A. Twirling your finger around the phone cord talking to CHAD who’s (air quotes) “NOT FROM TINDER”
B. With Jenny from da block, getting jiggy in da club. NO PHONES NIGHT, oops, spilled my appletini.
C. Nursing a baby with one hand and a sippy cup of Wine with the other (wink)
D. Getting ripped as always. Hear you roar. Maybe do some Karate as you pass the bars and run home.
4. Your best friend calls and wants to take a weekend holiday to Cancun, you say:
A. Ooooooh, I'm on @kelsieK5c's new salsa detox… it's not going amazing. Soft pass
B. {Somehow magically you already have luggage and a margarita before she finishes asking}
C. AHHH Brittany Jr’s got a soccer game, rain check me?
D. hmmm I do look good in a bikini... What’s the gym situation at the resort?
5.What’s your favorite Smell?
A. Warm Baked Cookies - but like, not like real ones because, unsure if vegan
B. Whisky & Pipe Tobacco, and Gary Nolastname who just went to make you an omelet
C. Lavender... or maybe orange zest? Actually how about just the smell of nothing. That sounds amazing
D. Musk & Personal Records
6. Where would you rather be right now?
A. On a beach, listening to the waves and gazing deeply into Ricardo’s ocean kissed biceps
B. Pub crawling in Ireland with Christopher Mc’Ohello
C. At Disney World with your adorable family on an all-expenses paid trip that you earned for being Employee of the Year. duh
D. Hiking through a redwood forest in a weight vest. No cell phone. No problem
7. What’s your perfect date?
A. “I'd have to say April 25th. Because it's not too hot, not too cold, all you need is a light jacket.” B. Drinks and apps at Magesto. End the night making out under a lamppost in a soft mist. Oo lala. C. Pay a babysitter to convince your kids you left, sneak upstairs with your husband, eat pizza in bed and pass out on his chest halfway through an episode of The Witcher. D. Weekend at the crossfit games. Proposal on the big screen. Make the Insta story saying, "Suck it losers"
8. Uh oh, Stacy and Clinton stopped by and wanna see your closet! But just like, as friends…obv. Cause they’re your friends....What color palette are they gonna crash in on?
A. Mostly Beige, but lots of white. No patterns. They don’t translate well on youtube.
B. BLACK. LACE. FIERCENESS. STUDS. HEELS.
C. Um.. Idk man, they're clothes, I’m not naked, what do you want from me?
D. Literally all you have is workout gear and work clothes. Oh and an old bridesmaid dress shoved on a shelf.
9. Which three Office cast members would you pick to hang out with? (Has to be all three, at the same time, no cheating)
A. Angela, Dwight, & Creed
B. Kelly, Meredith, & Oscar
C. Pam, Michael, & Stanley
D. Darryl, Todd Packer, & Ryan
10. Oh lord have mercy. You’re not dreaming. You just randomly walked into a room filled with a bunch of people you went to highschool with, How do you react?
A. Run up to everyone and just start hugging and air kissing "OMG you look amazing. take a selfie with me"
B. Find the nearest alcohol. Do not pass go, do not collect $200. Just get drunk.
C. Can I pretend I went blind?
D. Just flex a bunch. Like non stop flexing. If anyone talks to you - flex harder.
The End!
Lets see what you got
Mostly A’s : You're totally a Shoulder Bag.
You are so media its wild. Social Media is your livelihood and you look make it look amazing, but like. also way effortless. Good job you.
Mostly Bs: You are SUCH a Panther Clutch
Wild and in your face and sometimesssss not so functional, but always cute and fun.
Mostly Cs: A Hip Leather Diaper Bag from Etsy
Ya you've got kids and a ton of crap to lug around, but you also want to look cool as shit while you do it. Totally doubles as an extra large tote for girls night.
Mostly Ds: A cool ass Duffle Bag
DUH. you need your gym gear, but don't want to necessarily have the same bag as everyone else at the gym. You like to stand out. Fully stocked with BCAAs and clean socks. Lets do it
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